When it comes to role-playing, I believe everyone is very familiar with it, but when it comes to role-playing in love, everyone must have a dark face and question marks. It’s okay. After reading this article, I believe everyone will have a better understanding of role-playing in love. After understanding it, let’s reflect together, which kind of role-playing are you playing in this role-playing?</ p>
First of all, let’s see if you have encountered this type of problem!
Some boys asked Question:
Why do I feel like I can’t always reject girls who look weak and weak? As soon as they ask me for help, I fall in love easily and can’t help but give a lot.
Some girls also raised questions:
I am very attentive to each of my partners, and I will always devote myself to each other, but I am always the one who gets hurt.
Some girls will ask:
Actually, I don’t know why I am like this. I get angry because of trivial things, and I always seize the opportunity when two people have conflicts to vent their anger. I know that there are some things I can't say, but I can't help but say them to hurt him. I just want to see if he will tolerate me and love me when I go too far.
Why should we put these three seemingly unrelated questions together? Don’t worry, now let’s think about whether we often heard such words when we were children:
"Don't call me, I'm not your ma"
"I won't care about you anymore if you keep doing this"
"Why are you making people worry like this? Look at other people's homes Child..."
"Can't I do this? Isn't it all for you that I work so hard!"
Maybe these words were more or less common to us when we were children. I have heard it, but the frequency and intensity of hearing it are different for everyone.
If words like this are the mainstream words your parents say to you in your family of origin, then you are living in an environment of "conditional love".
And when we have been trapped in such an environment for a long time and subconsciously want to compensate for ourselves, we may face two situations:
1. Become a "vampire" partner
Deep in your heart, you always long for yourself to be taken care of, and you want to try to test whether the other person can tolerate you infinitely. Constantly asking for love, wanting to prove that even if you are extremely bad and terrible, the other person will not leave, abandon or devalue you.
The reason why this happens is because you have a belief in your heart that when you are weak, fall down, or imperfect, the people you love will definitely despise you, because you have been in a kind of situation since you were a child. "With temptationIn the deep affection of "confused".
Kohut once said: All the kindness parents do to their children is to satisfy their unfulfilled wishes.
For example, parents themselves have regrets , can't play the piano, so they keep asking their children to learn the piano. Only when the children succeed in the piano exam, will they have a smile on their faces.
Children learn to "sacrifice their own will" from an early age and become more successful. Without self-awareness, only by meeting their parents' expectations can they gain their parents' approval and smile. Then when this child grows up, he will long for the love of the self that has not been allowed to be exposed for a long time, and will pursue this kind of excessive pathologically. Tolerance and unconditional love until the relationship is exhausted
2. Become a "Virgin" partner
Try to make yourself a perfect mother who gives infinitely, and see your partner as a mother. Children, by giving infinitely to each other, as long as you see the other person's satisfaction, you will feel that everything is worth it and you will be cured.
This situation is caused by the various severe beatings and scoldings you have suffered since childhood. Scientist Kohut calls this "hostile determination." When your academic performance is not good, you may hear your parents say, "The two of us work all day long, get up early and work hard at night, and it's not for you that we work so hard." , why are you so unsatisfactory!" Then there will be a beating. Your parents' discipline towards you is with strong hostility. What they vent on you is negative frustration that they themselves cannot bear.
< p> Such children will long for a relationship where there will never be any conflicts, fights or scoldings. Their inner desire is "I will be treated gently" and they will try to realize their future by constantly satisfying the other party. Fulfillment of wishes.People in these two states can easily get hurt in relationships, but no matter whether they ask for infinitely or give infinitely, they will only make others hate them in the end.
Only when we learn to love ourselves and balance giving and taking can love be truly activated.
