Question:
Hello, tutor, I am 29 years old and I live in a single-parent family. Since I was very young, I have wanted to leave this home as soon as possible and start a family of my own, but I don’t know why. Every relationship is not very long. The longest one only lasted for a year before I was dumped.
I met my current girlfriend at the beginning of this year, and we got together very quickly. But after just three months of dating, I feel like she is becoming more and more cold.
She might not be able to reply even ten of my words. She even broke up with me two days ago. I was puzzled and asked her why.
She said that I complained about things at home every day, which made her annoyed. But she is my girlfriend. If I don’t tell her, who should I tell her?
And at the beginning, she also helped me with advice. I felt that she just didn’t love me that much, and then I looked for this. The excuse makes me quit! What should I do in this situation?
Answer:
This Hello friend, first of all, what I want to tell you is that the reason your girlfriend gave may actually be the reason why she wants to break up with you now.
Why do you say this? Since we have been together for almost three months after knowing each other, it means that her feelings for you are true, but one of your actions affected her feelings for you, so she As a result, she became more and more cold during the period of love.
This behavior is to expose your vulnerable side prematurely.
The so-called "vulnerable side" includes one's own shortcomings, bad experiences that have affected you so far, negative emotions, and the ups and downs you are encountering.
It is normal to hide one’s vulnerability with the partner you just got together with, because defense is a human instinct, and we all worry about being seen by others as less than perfect or strong.
Many boys are unable to relax in front of their girlfriends for three reasons during the love period:
Firstly, The fear of losing the other person's love;
The second is the fear of being at a disadvantage in the relationship;
The third is to maintain the stability of the relationship.
So even if they work all day, they want to relax at home and eat snacks, but when their girlfriend comes to see him, he still has to cheer up, pay attention to his external image, and also pay attention to his inner emotions. Press hard.
But you went to the other extreme, that is, you broke the "shattering news" to your girlfriend too early, but you didn't consider her reaction and the possible consequences.
The problems of your family of origin actually have a great impact on your views on marriage and love. You need to bring it into your relationship with your girlfriend and make it the focus of every conversation you have. Main content, this is a problem.
Because no one can be thereIn the early stages of a relationship, you have to face such complex problems that cannot be solved in a short time.
This may also be the reason why every relationship you have is short-lived. However, a woman who truly loves you will eventually develop into someone who supports you and understands you, but the prerequisite is that you must first develop a deep emotional foundation.
Therefore, when expressing your vulnerability to your girlfriend, you have to set a boundary in your own mind and what is the range she can accept. ?Test the waters first and then proceed step by step.
On the other hand, if you often vent your emotions to your girlfriend and treat him as a life-saving straw, it will also cause him to want to leave the relationship soon.
No one is born to be a trash can for others to vent their emotions, and she may not be able to substantially help you. The more you vent, the more you expect from her, and it is easy to let her down. The other person feels that you are too fragile to face the ups and downs in future life with him.
So, if you want to tell him something that may make him feel uncomfortable, you can state it in a calm way.
Having said so much, I also want to reassure you. You know, there are benefits to exposing yourself in moderation. For example, let your boyfriend know the real and complete you, so that the two of you can have a chance to create real love and connection;
For example, you can also guide him to be vulnerable with you, so that both of you are vulnerable and can respond to each other. And supporting each other will actually continue to accumulate a sense of security and trust; for example, it can help you get out of the influence of your original family faster and grow again.
Therefore, you can try to change from now on and communicate with your girlfriend about the reasons why you always want to expose your vulnerability to her. Telling her how to behave and respond will make you both more comfortable.
Who doesn’t want to establish a closer emotional connection with their significant other?
If your girlfriend is always indifferent to your pain, or you don’t know the reason for a breakup, etc. If you are confused, you can add and tell me your specific situation, and I will help you.
