I believe everyone is familiar with the three major misconceptions in life. Among these three illusions, the most frequently mentioned one is "she likes me." Then do you know why a boy has the illusion that she likes me?
1. Why does she like me? My Illusion
1. Misinterpretation of Information
Let’s talk about the premise first. The core motivation that can make you have this illusion is that you like her.
Psychological master Josephine Josselson said in her book "The Pygmalion Effect" that relationships are created, not discovered. Regarding the proposition we are talking about today, it is not accurate that you find that the girl you like likes you. This illusion is actually "created" by yourself.
Because you like her, your heart is naturally filled with the expectation that "she likes you too", which leads to misunderstanding of the information. You have put on colored glasses called "good impression". In your eyes, all her words, actions, and expressions generate the information you want to read.
A girl may smile politely to everyone, but in your eyes, it is evidence that she has a crush on you. A girl passes by you and touches her hair. Her eyes pass over you inadvertently. If she raises her hand a little, your brain will immediately start to analyze the information you want.
Note that what you want has a strong subjective color, not objective information. Expectation will cause you to have a lot of illusions, such as:
Did she lift her hair to show me her charm?
There was definitely a subtext in the look she gave me!
< p> What did she want to say to me?Did she raise her hand to touch me?
My friend, you have a rich imagination.
2. Smile effect
Next, because you misread the information, you will appear very positive next. Your eyes sparkled and you gave her the sunniest smile, friendly and gentle. Hmm...
As long as she is a normal and polite girl, she will definitely smile back at you, but you will be surprised to see, ah, she really likes me! Friends, even if the opposite person is a boy, he will also smile at you. Smiling at you. Many people should know about the smile effect:
It means that when a person comes into contact with the outside world, his smile will infect others and make them feel happy. This is also true as the old saying goes, don't hit the smiling person.
People's behavior will affect the behavior of other people, just like the effects of forces are mutual. If you give positive feedback, of course the other party will also give positive feedback.
3. Fixed beliefs
p>In this way, you begin to firmly believe in the illusion that "she likes you", and you begin to look for all kinds of clues to prove your inference. You may have heard the story of "suspicious neighbor steals axe". It tells the story of a man who lost his ax and suspected that his neighbor's son had stolen it.
So I started to observe the man, and felt that the man's words and deeds looked like a thief. Soon after, the ax was accidentally recovered, and he felt that the other person no longer looked like a thief. Once you have preconceived ideas, you will have biases, and what you are actually doing is confirming your "prejudices."
You will only deduce the conclusion from the clues you want, and ignore the clues that can indicate that she does not like you. You are blinded by your "prejudice". In addition, there is a very important point. There is a phenomenon in psychology called belief fixation.
It means that once people establish a certain belief in something, it is difficult to break it, and they often turn a blind eye even when contrary evidence and information appear.
He wants to maintain his correctness, so there are so many trolls on the Internet, and there are so many people who insist on their own opinions. When you are discussing with someone, you often wonder why this person is so stubborn, and why doesn’t the other person think the same way?
In fact, this is also a self-identification mechanism of people. They feel that they are right, and there is nothing wrong with it. wrong. What's more, you think "she likes you", so you want to defend it even more.
2. Is it good to chase girls with the mentality of "she likes me"
Everything is It has its two sides and complexity.
On the one hand, having the mentality of "she likes you" will help you to have a positive interaction with girls. Every time you transmit information, you will provide positive feedback to the other party. If you can really interact with her and develop a mutual love for her, then it would be unintentional. But on the other hand, it may also make us feel too good about ourselves and make girls dislike you.
Therefore, we must be careful not to disturb the other party because of our own good opinion, nor to blame the other party because of our own prejudice.
After all, relationships are created, not discovered. What does this sentence mean? If it matters, you have to create it yourself! I don’t know if you have heard of that sentence. All unexpected encounters come with preparation. Whether we want to get to know her, or want to get closer to her, or even want to fall in love with her, we must prepare and create ourselves. Create opportunities and encounters. Of course, you can just wait, but what you are waiting for is the news that she is in love with someone else.
