When two people go from blind date to falling in love, they go through many stages? This appears to be a commonly followed procedure. Blind date What do you know about the many aspects of dating? Is everyone like this?
1. Fixed items
Everyone has a "goddess in their heart". Some people's goddesses are so clear that they can be described and become the standard for finding a partner. Some people's goddesses are not so clear, and they can only be "called" when they meet the right person.
The goddess in her heart is the mask of her husband and her wife. They come from her father's mask and her mother's mask. In the case of the boy, he placed his father and mother inside, making a father mask and a mother mask. As she grows up, her father's mask becomes her husband's mask, and her mother's mask becomes her daughter's mask. The husband's mask is his own, and the wife's mask is for dating. Because contemporary people have a complex environment and come into contact with many people, the masks of couples will also be affected by the natural environment, culture, art, and media, thus shifting the masks of father and mother. If a person does not approve of his parents, it is easy to use the anti-father mask and the anti-mother mask as the source of the husband mask and wife mask.
If it is a blind date, this stage is also called "verification". First find out whether he meets your criteria for finding a partner. If the criteria for finding a partner are very clear, it will be much easier to talk about a partner. All you have to do is "take a look at the picture." But if the criteria for finding a partner are not specific, talking about a partner will become more complicated and require constant "trial and error".
2. Test
Through a simple understanding, if you feel that you have become better or even stronger, you will take the initiative to contact the other person, talk to him, and care about him. Help him, get his attention, impress him. The other party didn't respond, which means that if you want to feel better, you can choose to give up. Of course, you can try again.
The object is a matter between two people, and the two people must interact. Wishful thinking is not love. However, two people usually have different rhythms. It is normal for one party to "attack" first and the other party to respond. With the efforts of one party, the other party perceives the other party and considers whether to reply to him based on whether the other party satisfies the husband's mask or the wife's mask. If the other party has not responded, it is impossible to continue wishful thinking.
Many people call love "the pursuit of perfection", which is to stay at this stage for a long time and try to "force" it to the next stage. People who "pursue perfection" usually have too strong motivations and will never give up until they achieve their goals. They insist on pestering and beating, and even "cooking rice before cooking" and "forcing" the other party to clarify the facts. This is actually emotional kidnapping, not an object. It is a pity that popular culture seems to greatly appreciate this kind of emotional kidnapping and encourage it to be skin-friendly, but regards it as shallow love, weak will, and poor ability to resist setbacks. If you stop at the point, stop the loss in time, understand each other, and do nothing.
Usually the relationship between two people can developThe most uncertain stage is that it depends on the "fate" between the two people in many aspects. Love can be accomplished at all stages. If the motivation is too strong, be sure to look forward to it. When conclusions don’t match expectations, someone gets hurt. If you were injured, you'll also want compensation. Motivation is strong and you get stuck in a vicious cycle. Just like gambling, the more you lose, the more you want to win back, and then the more you gamble, the more you lose.
Expectations are deeply scripted. When an actor is too limited to script production, the play doesn't look good, and because the plot is complicated, it's impossible to follow the script exactly. What's more, this is a matter between two people. The other party has his own script production, and it is unlikely that he can completely manipulate her.
How can the motivation be too strong? The most intuitive main reason is the secretion of sex hormones and the excitement of spring. There is also the pressure of survival. You "should" be in love, if you don't want to be in love, don't. From a psychological point of view, it is "love at first sight". When you fall in love at first sight, either he will not marry (or she will not marry), or you will transcend the whole process and go straight to the destination. This kind of love model that does not adjust according to the actual situation is the most direct manifestation of in-depth script production. It shows that this person is following the script as the object, or using his own imagination as the object. It doesn't matter who the other person is. He was just a conditioned stimulus that inspired deep script-making. Therefore, many people feel that the other person is not what they want most and is too different from their dreams, so they regret it very much.
Unfortunately, in real life, the success probability of "pursuing perfection" is very high, mainly because many people who are liked do not have a clear search for Object standards. They don't know what kind of person they really want, who is chasing after her, and who treats her well, so she feels her and falls in love.
3. Interactive communication
When the other party responds, the process of falling in love enters the "interactive communication" stage.
Interactive communication itself is mask interactive communication. If the masks of two people match or complement each other, they can pass the next stage smoothly; if they do not match, or are shifted, and are not on the same channel, then there will be no way to fall in love, and the conflict will continue. Generally speaking, if the masks are inconsistent, people will naturally give up. But if a person is the object of his imagination, he ignores this inconsistency, feels that it is an illusion, and is able to get rid of it. Then, he will diligently update the other person, including the process of falling in love during the production of his own script, and "go his own way." The other person happens to be a man whose husband mask or wife mask is not clear. He is likely to change himself, put on the mask projected by the other person, and become the person the other person expects. Although they didn't match at first, they gradually matched.
If both parties are strong, both insist on their own masks, and both want to update and transform the other to satisfy their own script production, they will fall into a "political struggle." Strictly speaking, this is not a political struggle, but a running-in period. But whoever has more power will understand the dominance of the running-in period, and the other party will be easily run-in.Expect.
Many people just want to have a good relationship. If they feel it is not suitable, they will give up and it is not easy to spend a lot of time and energy in the running-in period. Only those who have a strong love motive and follow the script can spare no effort to get along with each other. It can be inferred from this that most people who love hard work are following the script.
Relatively speaking, the running-in period in marriage is much longer. Many people get married at this time, only to find that the first impression is very different from the real situation, but they already regret it and have to spend a lot of time to adjust.
4. Matching
Matching means that the husband’s mask and the wife’s mask are similar between two people. Boys use their husband's mask, women use their wife's mask, men match the woman's husband's mask, and women match the man's wife's mask. Therefore, they work closely together, as if they were destined to do so in their previous life.
If both parties match, the smoothing link can be passed smoothly through transient interaction. If they do not match, they need to go through a running-in period and slowly match before entering the smoothing stage.
It turns out that everyone has a husband’s mask and a wife’s mask. After the two entered a stable period, the male-wife mask was completely transferred to the female body, and the female-husband mask was completely transferred to the male body. The man "lost" his wife's mask, and the woman "lost" her husband's mask. Both people are half human, and together they are complete, and neither can live without the other. They call their lovers "the other half" for the same reason.
Pair up and divide these two situations, one is friendly and the other is antagonistic. If the relationship between the parents (actually the relationship between the father mask and the mother mask) is harmonious, the couple who has entered the stable stage will be friendly, harmonious, and harmonious; if the relationship between the parents is disharmonious, the couple who has entered the stable stage will It is contradictory, contradictory and "confrontational". They often quarrel, but they can't let each other go.
