I discovered an interesting phenomenon. The matter of "giving birth to a child" is bound to affect the relationship between husband and wife. But the problem does not come from "giving birth" itself, but from the fact that most families in China confuse the order between the "husband-husband relationship" and the "parent-child relationship." Let me share with you the impact of having children on the relationship between husband and wife. Why are more and more people unwilling to have children?
I wonder if you have noticed such an interesting phenomenon:
"In the current marriage situation, where is the most common point for men to cheat? It is often during pregnancy or during pregnancy. After giving birth to a child.”
Many people define this phenomenon simply and crudely as: a woman’s inability to meet her husband’s physiological needs before and after giving birth will naturally lead to his cheating.
From a psychological perspective, the reason is not that simple.
To be very real, the arrival of a child is a strong need and satisfaction for intimate connections for many women. Before giving birth to children, women often get their sense of need from men, but after having children, all the needs of women's emotional connections will be transferred to their children.
In this way, if the connection between women and children is too close, the husband will feel that "I am a dispensable existence. In the eyes of his wife, I seem to have become unimportant."
Then “Why is the quality of your married life so different after having children?
It’s not that you are tired of being a couple, have faded away, and have entered a period of burnout again, but that Say, you place too much emphasis on the order of parent-child relationships, so much so that you ignore the need and giving in the relationship between the sexes.”
You will find that families that can still maintain a sweet relationship after having children have this. There is an obvious commonality among them: in these families, children are not regarded as the whole world of two people, and the relationship between husband and wife always comes first.
In other words, why do many Chinese-style families feel exhausted and overwhelmed after giving birth to children?
Among them, the financial burden of raising children is one aspect, but more lies in the fact that both husband and wife are constantly giving affection to their children, ignoring that "a husband and wife are essentially two children", ignoring In order to pay and take care of each other, when both parties in a marriage relationship are in a state of emotional deprivation for a long time, they will naturally appear negative, powerless and anxious.
The two of them think about "children" every day when they open their eyes, and the first thing they do before going to bed is also thinking about "children" ".
With the arrival of a child, couples are always giving and forgetting about maintaining their relationship and decompressing their personal social and interests., in such a family life, it is natural to feel that "the children are a burden to each other."
But to be very real, this sense of burden is not given by the child, but because both parties have forgotten to "love each other" and "love themselves" in the parent-child relationship. When neither husband nor wife can find their own value and position in the family, pressure and suffocation will ensue.
So having said that, will having children affect the relationship between husband and wife? Yes, but it doesn't have much to do with the children.
The real impact is that couples place too much importance on the parent-child relationship, so that they ignore the needs between husband and wife, which in turn leads to various additional conflicts. Then the family Contradictions and the development of children's innate negative characters will follow one after another.
Therefore, we still need to tell parents with sincerity: "Loving a child is not just about what you give them, but what they can learn from you as a couple and how they interact in an intimate relationship." to explore the secrets of freedom, independence and rationality."
