Question:
Hello, tutor, I am over 30 this year, and my parents are urging me to get married every day. This is actually very stressful for me.
Let me first state that my sexual orientation is normal, but I have never met someone I like. Later, under forced circumstances, my relatives introduced a girl to me for a blind date. She was really good in all aspects, and she was a good match for our family, so I didn't resist.
But after dating several times, I can feel that she has a crush on me, but I still have no feelings for her.
Go on, I’m a little unwilling to give up, my parents are urging me, and I don’t have a suitable partner around me now.
And I’m really afraid that I really won’t be able to wait for love and will instead give up a potential marriage partner. What should I do in this situation?
Answer:
Hello friend, I actually I completely understand that you would rather pursue a relationship that focuses on the feeling of love, but on the one hand, you have been under pressure from your parents to get married, and you are also afraid of missing out on a marriage that may seem "suitable" because you "don't feel it", so you are in a dilemma. I don't know. what to do.
So when faced with this blind date that you have no feelings for, should you continue to cultivate a relationship with her and wait for time to fall in love? Or should you give up as soon as possible and save time and cost?
I want to ask you a question first. Putting aside your parents’ factors, how high are your own expectations for marriage?
Everyone has different needs for marriage. Maybe your parents think you should get married. Yes, maybe your age is the age to start a family in the eyes of outsiders, but aside from these factors, how do you view this issue? Do you look forward to marriage and family life?
If you really want to have a small family of your own in your heart, but you just haven't met the right person, then you don't have to give up on this blind date so quickly.
Of course, don’t give up too early just because you “don’t feel it”. Date more and see if the other person meets your needs.
But if you put aside your parents’ factors and you don’t want to get married just for the sake of getting married, and you think finding the person you love is a prerequisite for marriage, then you have to know that there will be no “chemical reaction” if you just start contacting them. , and I won’t be able to develop feelings in the future.
Maybe if you continue to get along, you will find that the other person is very good, treats you well, and has many advantages, but these will not make you feel excited.
If you end up getting married under pressure to get married, you need to be mentally prepared to accept a mediocre marriage, because you don’t have feelings for her now, and you most likely won’t in the future. If you can't accept this, then let go immediatelyHands are also the right choice.
From your description, I have not seen your past relationship experience, so if you long for love, you are not opposed to marriage. , but whenever you really come into contact with someone with whom you may have a romantic relationship, you have to step back. In fact, you have to see if you are "incompetent in love".
"Is it because mobile phones are not fun or variety shows are not good to watch? Why do we need to fall in love?" When you are alone, you can order your favorite takeaway when you get home from get off work and feel tired;
Select You can watch a movie you want and rest contentedly; you can play a few games before going to bed without anyone nagging you; you can go wherever you want on the weekend without having to report to anyone.
But once you enter a relationship, think about it, two people may have to cook together, and if not, they have to take care of her taste;
The time used for Ge You to lie down is still I have to wash the dishes;
I insist on watching a movie that I hate with my partner, and I could be watching variety shows at this time;
I have to report where I want to go on the weekend. , and you may have to accompany her to places you don’t want to go from time to time...
Once dating encroaches on your free time, this fear of future associations will make people reject the establishment of a romantic relationship, but In fact, this is just a kind of escape. Most people don't want to die alone, but at this moment, they are resisting.
If this situation subconsciously affects you to enter a relationship, you have to see that the less you do something, the less likely you are to do something. The more you will strengthen the concept that this matter is "not good for you", the more you will reject it, and you will find many reasons to rationalize your current state.
In fact, entering a relationship is not that scary. If you give little by little, move forward in small steps, and adapt to the company of close people, you will naturally be willing to give more. And accept the other party's contribution calmly.
Entering into a relationship is not scary, but what is scary is looking forward and backward and being in a dilemma.
If you are facing the pressure from your parents to get married and don’t know what to do, or your relationship with your blind date is not going well, you can add and add your Tell me the specific situation and let me help you make some suggestions.
