A lawyer who specializes in divorce cases said that couples divorce for a variety of reasons, and many of them are just because of trivial matters.
Because people who are constantly struggling in marriage always want to find the most suitable person and want the other person to have the same three views as themselves.
As long as the three views are inconsistent, it is the beginning of disagreements and conflicts. If quarrels and conflicts often occur in a marriage, neither husband and wife will feel happy, and then the idea of ??divorce will arise. Therefore, many people often say that when two people become a couple, it is really important for their three views to be consistent.
So what are the symptoms of disagreement between husband and wife?
1. They quarrel whenever they talk
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You can’t sit together calmly like other couples, talk freely, and talk about topics such as: children’s growth, family planning, and new things they encounter.
We all want that kind of happy family atmosphere, but we just can’t achieve it.
You can't wait for him to pass the ball to you, and are not interested in each other's chat content. There will also be disputes about disagreement, as well as denial, questioning and accusation.
Even the quarrels were not on the same channel, each was completely immersed in their own world.
It is difficult to have consistent views and opinions on the same thing. It is impossible to understand the other party’s thinking, perspective on the problem, and stance on the problem. It may also extend to the level of the pattern, and the situation is not enough. long.
Then there was a strong feeling that the two people were not from the same world, and even the smallest trivial matter would cause unpleasantness.
2. Different pursuits in life
What is the most important thing between husband and wife? Of course, they are of one mind and one heart. When two people can work in the same direction and move towards the same goal, they will get twice the result with half the effort.
If the pursuits in life are different, no matter how small things are, they will be infinitely magnified.
In this case, the conflicts between the two people will only become more and more serious, and the situation of not understanding each other will only become more and more serious. The final result is that they are in the same bed but have different dreams. If their hearts are no longer together, then both people will become more and more stubborn, insisting that they are right, and there will no longer be the possibility of tolerance and accommodation.
The pursuit of life is different, and naturally, the attitude towards life is also different. Maybe you want to fully enjoy life, focus on the process of life, and take your children out for a walk when the weekend comes, and he I feel that it is just a waste of time. I work too hard at ordinary times and I should rest at home and sleep in.
It’s just that he doesn’t think that these are part of life and a part of enjoyment. Even when eating porridge, you think you should use a spoon, but he thinks it’s troublesome to use chopsticks.
3. Differences in value perception
Things you think are valuable and things you should do, He thinks it is a waste of time, and the value you think is worthless in his eyes.
I have read Russell’s words: “If you can get pleasure from wasting time, it is not a waste of time.”
Maybe you think so too, but he thinks that your Time is wasted if it is not used to do what he thinks should be done, whether you get pleasure from it or not.
For example, if you spend 100 yuan to buy a book, because he likes you and thinks it is worth it, even if it is worth 1,000 yuan, he thinks you spent money to buy a piece of waste paper. Conflicts are most likely to occur on many small matters involving spending money, and neither party can understand the value of the other party.
Especially when you have investment behavior, you will never get his support. Spending money to give gifts is a waste, using money to pave the way is a waste, and investment is only allowed for visible benefits.
It cannot be said that interpersonal relationships are useless at all, but he just thinks that interpersonal relationships are useless at all and cannot see the value of others. Maybe the value he thinks is that the pictures on the table are fixed. amount of banknotes.
Balzac once said:
"Husbands and wives should know and understand each other, and then tolerate and respect each other, in order to maintain a happy marriage."
Why do we use the word "tolerance" when we say tolerance requires respect and love? So are the understanding, tolerance and consideration we often talk about false? In fact, you have to know that the reason for using tolerance is mostly because of the relationship between husband and wife. In this world, there is no absolute fit and no absolutely perfect person.
Tolerance requires you to tolerate the inappropriateness between you, such as three views and the shortcomings of the other party. These are not based on understanding.
Or in this world, there are no two absolutely suitable people, two people with absolutely the same views, because we are all different individuals, unique individuals, and we all have our own thoughts and ideas. Emotions and self.
Therefore, the incompatibility of three views is not fatal to the relationship between husband and wife. What is really fatal is that we want to impose our own three views on each other and keep trying to transform each other. This is the conflict. .
