Every relationship will have a dull period. During this period, some couples choose to let go, while others choose to reflect and learn. So what will happen when the relationship enters the dull period, and how to spend the dull period of the relationship?
1. Performance of the flat period of love
Many people think that when the relationship fades, it means they no longer love. In fact, it is normal for relationships to enter a dull period. Any relationship will have a dull period.
After the relationship enters a dull period, the most obvious manifestation is that there is no longer a feeling of heartbeat, and there are more and more conflicts between the two people.
There are many opinions and opinions that you disagree with, and there will be more conflicts and quarrels. Every minor problem of the other party will be magnified and over-interpreted. You may even feel that this person is not your ideal person.
You will feel like your dreams are shattered, because your inner needs cannot be met, and you will use various methods to gain the other person's attention in order to satisfy your own needs.
Everyone will have his own outline and standards in his mind before starting a relationship. When you meet someone who makes your heart flutter, you will be attracted to them.
At this time, all you see are the other person’s strengths, and even the shortcomings will be ignored.
But as you keep in contact with her for a long time, you will find that there are some differences between the ideal her and the real her. Gradually, There will be a psychological gap in your heart.
When you completely understand a person, your desire to explore him will gradually weaken, and the novelty will disappear.
When you find that your expectations are different from her in reality, and she cannot meet your expectations, you will want to change her, and the power struggle begins.
The power struggle is not what we think of as loud noises and face-to-face confrontations. In fact, the power struggle has many forms, including cold war, ridicule, and avoidance. No matter what form it is, it is a challenge for two people. .
Being caught up in a power struggle is mostly related to your past experiences.
When we enter an intimate relationship, we bring the pain of the past with us.
If the trauma from childhood is not resolved, when you encounter problems in your emotions again, the pain will reappear and prevent you from moving forward.
As said in "Intimacy", if past trauma has not healed, we will have negative thoughts about ourselves, but if we deal with the pain in a healthy way, our beliefs will It will also change accordingly.
2. How to spend the dull period of feelings
Facing feelings, always remember one sentence: Don’t look at your partner with prejudice, and don’t randomly evaluate certain behaviors of your partner.
Those partners who have a very harmonious intimate relationship view each other from a kind perspective and interpret some of their behaviors. Even if the other person did something terrible, she would try to appreciate it from a different perspective. If you want to have a good intimate relationship, you can improve from these three aspects:
1. Take the initiative to express your thoughts
You have to take the initiative to express your thoughts. If you are interested in If your partner is dissatisfied, you can take the initiative to speak out. Don't keep the other person guessing. Endless guessing will not only make your life tiring, but also put more pressure on the other person.
You have to take the initiative to give the other person the love they want, rather than self-righteous love. All giving must be based on respecting and understanding the other person. Only by understanding the other person's inner needs can you understand what kind of love the other person wants.
Maintain good communication, express your inner feelings accurately, and discuss the problems between you openly and honestly. As you communicate, reflect, and change, you will slowly discover changes in the other person, and the relationship between you will also change.
2. You don’t have to change the other person
Whoever suffers will change. Don’t always want others to change to suit yourself. .
If you want the other person to change, it is better to change yourself first, and then influence the other person through your own actions to achieve the purpose of changing the other person.
Different families, education, experiences and other factors have shaped different people, so everyone has different personalities, tempers, and habits.
It is difficult to change a person's character, and it cannot be easily reversed overnight. So don't try to change the other person, and don't have too much hope for a person. The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment.
3. Convince yourself appropriately
In order to protect your intimate relationship, you can appropriately beautify the other person and make your relationship more harmonious.
When the other party cannot meet your expectations, instead of blaming the other party immediately, try to understand the other party first, why she behaves like this, whether the other party is unintentional; although she has shortcomings , but compared to the advantages, these are negligible.
Of course, you must also set a bottom line for yourself, what cannot be compromised, and what can be forgiven. Once you find that the bottom line has been touched, you must learn to stop losses in time.
The end of a relationship does not depend solely on the compromise of one party, nor the tolerance of the other party, but on two people understanding and cherishing each other.
True love is not about doing the same things with different people, but doing new things with the same people.
