Question:
My wife and I are in a brother-sister relationship. We were married less than a year ago and we had almost constant quarrels. My wife filed for divorce several times, but I was the one who coaxed her into getting better. I always reflect on it. Admit your mistake and let her go.
The reason for the quarrel is basically because I go out to play, such as playing mahjong with colleagues or eating late night snacks. The frequency is not very frequent, basically once or twice a week, but almost every time I go out and come back, my wife must follow me. Quarrel.
When she gets angry, she locks the door and refuses to open the door. She will only open the door if I get angry. After opening the door, there will be a fierce quarrel. When the quarrel becomes tense, she will slap herself in the face and say she regrets marrying me. , after a few days of cold war, everyone will be in a good mood and reconcile.
Is it too much for me to go out once or twice a week to hang out with friends, play cards and have late-night snacks?
Even if she is angry, does she always make such a fuss when necessary? She never solves the problem properly. Sometimes she also says that she wants to find something to do for herself instead of getting angry when I am not around. But it doesn’t work. Next time Still the same.
Also, my wife sometimes complains to my parents, so that my mother knows that our relationship is not good, and she will be sad and troubled and unable to sleep. My mother also has high blood pressure.
I really feel uncomfortable, what should I do? Do I want to persist in this marriage?
Answer:
What you said is "solve it properly" "Problem" is actually asking your wife to agree to you going out one or two nights a week to play all night. This does not mean solving the problem properly, but it means you hope she will compromise.
What does it mean to solve a problem well? To solve a problem well is to understand her demands and then agree with her on an implementation plan that is acceptable to both of you.
You said that you reflected on your mistakes and let her go. Where did it show up? It showed up in the fact that you came back from playing and begged her to open the door? But what she needs is not that you come back from playing to coax her, what she needs is that you go out less to play.
Do you think it’s not too much to go out one or two nights a week? It’s not up to you to decide whether this is too much or not, because you are married now and are no longer alone. If you are single, you go out every day. You don’t have to play too hard, because it’s your own business, you don’t have to be responsible to anyone, and you can’t implicate anyone.
But now that you have a family, whether one or two nights a week is too much depends on your partner's acceptance. Women who live their daily lives generally do not accept this frequency.
If all the friends around you are playing at this frequency, then the best thing for your life and future is to leave this circle of friends and change to a group of friends who are motivated and have development. It’s not about whether you should stick to this marriage or not.
Because if you find a wife who supports you in this way, in the future you and your wife will play their own way, your family will be ruined, your life will be wasted, and your children will be ruined.Without education, they become idle social idlers when they grow up.
Your wife said she wanted to find something to do for herself instead of being angry with you. You think she didn’t do it. Why can’t she do it? Because she has no motivation and the state of mind of a person who cannot see the future. It's hard to muster the energy to do anything.
She can’t see a future with you now, and she can’t imagine the point of trying to find something to do. It’s just like you have a pig partner in business who always pulls your hips, but you are still in the mood to be alone. Do you actively manage your business?
Your wife quarrels fiercely and hits herself when she is anxious. This is a reaction of extreme frustration when a person is helpless. She cannot make you listen to her no matter what. If so, she could only vent her anger.
Another thing that makes you sad is that you feel sorry for your mother. You know that your mother has high blood pressure and you can’t be angry all the time. Then you should run the family well, work hard, and live a solid life.
Really reassure your mother and make her proud, instead of trying to stop your wife from filing a lawsuit against you.
The most gratifying thing for my mother is that you and your wife are united as a couple and live a harmonious and beautiful life. You obviously had a bad life, but you still hid it from your mother. Isn't this deceiving yourself and others? This is not what your mother really wants to see.
You should have a good talk with your wife as soon as possible and determine a common goal. The two of you should work hard to manage your life together, supervise each other, and divide work and cooperate.
I hope your future happiness will come from a fulfilling life and a worthwhile career, not from mahjong and late-night snacks.
