When others confide their worries and troubles to us, what should we do to effectively comfort them? Today I will tell you how to comfort others when they are in a bad mood. If you don’t know how to comfort, don’t do it. If you missed it, take a seat in the front row, class is about to begin.
1. Distinguish the purpose of the other person confiding their troubles to you
The other person’s purpose of confiding their troubles to you is nothing more than two things. Purpose:
① Seek your advice;
② Seek your care, comfort and encouragement;
If you are his/her teacher/leader/senior , and the other party clearly states a clear request such as "What do you think" or "Can you give me some advice?", then you can think that the other party is seeking your advice. Otherwise, most likely I just want your care, comfort and encouragement.
2. Don’t rush to give suggestions/preaching
Since what others want is your comfort, understanding and encouragement, then if you directly give rational analysis and suggestions, they will I feel like you don’t understand him at all. The other party will not want to adopt your suggestions, and they also understand your rationale. For example:
Wife: Why are all my colleagues so annoying!
Husband: It’s impossible for all colleagues to be annoying. Is it your own problem?
Wife: (I just want you to scold my colleagues with me, I don’t want you to educate me!)
3. Don’t bring the topic to yourself
Through comparison and enumeration The strategy of using your own past excellent cases is also not advisable. This method directs the topic and focus from the other party to yourself, and it is centered on you. For example:
Xiaomei: Why did Xiaohua abandon me? I feel so bad;
Xiaoli: Don’t feel bad. I was so good to my ex-boyfriend before, but he’s not Abandoned me;
Xiaomei: (I am the one who feels uncomfortable now, why do I have to talk about you?)
4. Don’t directly ask the other person to stop their emotions
It is useless to simply ask others to “stop crying” or “stop being angry”. For example:
Xiaohua (crying): Why have I been interviewing for so long and still not got an offer?
Xiaoming: Stop crying, you will find a job.
Xiaohua: (You are not unemployed, of course you are not sad)
5. Let the other party express fully
You want the other party to express fully, so that the other party Only then can I feel your care and patience. You can use the principles of non-violent communication to let the other party express fully:
?Let the other party tell what exactly happened?
?Let the other party tellDescribe your feelings.
?Inspire the other person to think about their unmet needs.
?Encourage the other person to meet their own needs.
6. Show the other person your unconditional love and concern for them
If it is your friend, child or lover who is telling you about their troubles, you can also give them a loving hug. And tell the other party:
"No matter what others say about you, I will always support you"
"You will always be the best in my heart"
" I will always be your good friend"
" These will give the other party great comfort, especially when the other party falls into self-doubt and devaluation, it can give the other party the strength to set sail again. Have you learned it?
